The Dead Skeleton Who Lived

Minecraft Diary of a Skeleton

Ashley Witty

Copyright © 2016 Ashley Witty

InPrint Publishing

No part of this book may be duplicated, redistributed, or given away without prior consent from the author.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

This unofficial Minecraft book is not authorized, sponsored, endorsed or licensed by Mojang AB. The trademark Minecraft is owned by Mojang AB; and other company names and/or trademarks mentioned in this book are the property of their respective companies and are used for identification purposes only.

All characters, names, places, and other aspects of the game described herein are trademarked and owned by their respective owners. Minecraft ®/ TM & © 2009-2016 Mojang / Notch

Special Thank You to the Following:

Expeditionfilms1 for making this book possible

Qdmerit for editing

Toboein for the cover and book images

Jig's Designer for cover design

Sempiternall Designs for book images

The AWESOME Readers for Reading Ashley Witty Books!

Table of Contents

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 5, Later

Day 6+7

Day 8

Day 9

Day 10

Day 11

Day 12

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Day 1

Hey there! My name is . . . wait . . . you know what, I’ll just tell you later. Welcome to my journal! Technically, it’s a diary, but I’m a guy skeleton, so I’d rather just call it a journal. Anyway, today is the first day writing in it! Can’t believe so much time has passed ever since . . . well, the incident. And yes, I am a skeleton and proud to say it too!

It all started one day when I was mining in the deep underbelly of the world. I regrettably made the terrible mistake of mining down and landed in a cave filled with mobs of monsters! Unfortunately, I died in battle, but I was soon brought back as a classic skeleton with my own skeleton mom and skeleton dad. But hey, no one wants to hear my backstory, but if you do, just send a text to BONES with your request.

I am so excited about today. What’s today, you might be asking? Well, today I go to Cranium Campus at Anatomy Academy, where the very best skeletons go to train in the art of scaring humans such as the evil Steve.

I am going to learn all the tactics! The growl! The pose! The waiting game! It’s going to be so much fun. I hear that only the best of the best get in based on your Scare Scores so I guess I must be slightly good at scaring to even get in. Anyway, the Ribcage Bus is here and my Skele-Dad and Skele-Mom are telling me I should stop writing in this thing. I must be off! So excited!

Update: Today was the worst day ever.

Okay, so school was not what I was expecting. I got on the bus with at least thirty other fresh, scary skeletons and had no idea where to sit! I mean, I know I wasn’t the cool kid in life, but in the afterlife, this is just ridiculous!

I wandered around until I got to the back where there was a strange lopsided skeleton who was nice enough to let me sit beside him . . . or her. It’s hard to tell when you are nothing but bones. We got to Cranium Campus at Anatomy Academy and I was already lost! The whole thing looked like some sort of . . . building, which as you must know is the misery of a skeleton’s existence. We’re all about being outside and in caves lurking about. It’s almost unnatural to have to use DOORS. Now I know what you’re going to say, “But walking Skeletons are unnatural too!” Well, this is the world of Minecraft so be quiet with that kind of nonsense!

In all seriousness though, I was so confused. I walked up to one of the teachers who I presumed was a human skeleton, but it turns out, it was just a prop skeleton for biology class.

My first class was writing and I didn’t have any idea how to find my classroom. I walked through the halls bumping into other skeleton teens that snickered at my obvious awkwardness. I looked down the way and saw a sign that said Main Office.

I walked inside and there was a lady skeleton typing into a computer. “Hi,” I squeaked out. She just looked at me through her bone glasses and then went back to typing. “I’m new here.”

She looked back at me, “Yeah? And what is it you need?”

“Um, I need to find Room 801.” I said.

“Well, you just go down this hall, then you take a left. And then go to the first door on the right that says 801,” she said.

If I still had eyes I would have rolled them. So I went to class and it was full of people I didn’t know. I was so nervous as well. I found a seat and class started. I hoped to be overlooked by the teacher, but he kept asking me questions. Every time he did, I froze up like a pile of cold bones. I didn’t know what to say, so I just said, “The answer you are looking for does not exist,” and the whole class laughed. What a terrible start! At least I survived, but I’m worried about tomorrow . . . Anyway, goodnight journal!

Day 2

Okay, so I just got back from school and I totally learned something new! Skeletons can shoot arrows too? That’s amazing! I never knew that, but now I can just shoot arrows in the faces of those I’m scaring, because why not? I’m a skeleton!

We had gym class and all the other skeletons got their own block-bows to shoot with and it was so fun. To make it even more fun we used the picture of Steve as the target! Although my shooting skills are less than good . . . They’re bad. I can’t hit a thing. I probably couldn’t hit a tree at night from two dirt blocks away.

But, there was this other kid in class today named Puntley (what a weird name) who kept answering the coach’s questions right and hitting the target every time . . . What a show-off . . . Oh, who am I kidding? The kid’s a natural! I feel like he and I aren’t going to get along very well. Anyway, I can’t wait to see what tomorrow has in store. Night!

Day 3

Today we went head to head in an epic scare-off! At least that’s what they said we were going to do. In reality we just had a seminar in the auditorium about scaring. The spokesman guy was all about, “It got a scare. But did it get the RIGHT scare?” Who is this guy? . . . Perfectionist Polly! Thursday, we get to do some real scaring and I’m super excited!

Oh! And I made a friend today. His name is Jeff and he is also a skeleton. Well . . . I mean . . . we’re all skeletons . . . But . . . anyway, we had fun taking the heads off skeleton dolls and making the heads float around like they were ghosts. I know that we’re the boney type of undead, but even bones can dream, right? Anyway, at the end of the seminar the Perfectionist Polly guy made an announcement to the school that in two weeks there would be a scaring competition held in the gym and the winner of the tournament would automatically graduate! The very prospect of being able to win yourself out of school seems like a crazy fantasy, but it’s true; you’ve just gotta be super crazy to believe and do it!

Me and Jeff couldn’t believe it! The two of us decided to walk home and we discussed all our plans for studying and scaring. He came up with this silly idea for a golden bow that would intimidate Steve. But I just shrugged it off. We have to get serious about this thing if we want to win!

Day 4

So . . . Tryouts are a thing. Really?

Anyway, I didn’t realize we would have to try out for the competition. But the principal said that if we wanted to go into the competition, we would have to perform some sort of scare tactic to even be able to participate. My nerves (if I have any) are now on high alert! Jeff said that it would be no sweat. I appreciated the sentiment, but I was worried to the teeth in my skull! So me and Jeff devised a plan. If one of us was doing badly in the tryouts, the other would scream as loud as possible to make the judges think that someone in the audience was super scared. Although that doesn’t quite work if we both aren’t very good . . . We’ll figure something out. But I also found out that Puntley is going to be in the competition, too! He isn’t even here right now and he is scaring me! I don’t know if I can stand up to such competition. But I will certainly try.

Anyway, tryouts are tomorrow, so Jeff and I are going to try some scare tactics on some pigs. I will write about it tomorrow and tell you guys everything that happens.

Day 5

Today is tryouts. My bones are shaking as I’m writing this. Right now I’m sitting in the auditorium waiting for them to call us down. Jeff just asked me why we can’t go in the sun. I replied, “Because we’d die, son.” That’s about as much humor as I can get out of this situation. They’re calling us down now. Wish me luck!

So tryouts just ended and I’m writing in this. Tryouts went like this:

There were three rounds of situations that we had to go through. The people in the tryouts were me, Jeff, Puntley, and Sally Skellington. The first thing we had to do was walk along a path shooting a target with our arrows while avoiding Steve luring us into lava. I did alright considering that my bones are only like half a block so it wasn’t hard to balance on the rocks. Jeff hit the target right on the head and then fell right into the lava. It was fake, so he just splashed around a bit. Puntley breezed right through it as well as Sally.

In the next course, we had to walk through a would-be village and avoid the golem who was attacking us. Pretty simple, right? Wrong! That thing is scarier than a whole crowd of creepers, and that’s saying something!

It saw me trying to shoot some villagers and just destroyed me. That might mean me losing the tryouts. I hope not. Jeff did great on that one though. He maneuvered around the thing and shot almost all the villagers. So did Puntley although Sally got destroyed almost as fast as me.

The last tryout was finding our way through a pitch black cave. I certainly wasn’t ready because I am rather fond of a good torch or two. But surprisingly I found my way rather easily. And then a fake Steve came in through the roof and I shot him right in the head with an arrow. Silly Steve. You can’t dig down. Jeff was amazed at finding his way through the cave, like it was his second home (which it was when he wasn’t wandering through the forest). Sally Skellingon tripped in the dark and missed Steve so she was immediately disqualified for missing two out of the three. Puntley did amazing as usual. I still can’t believe that guy. I mean, you can only be SO GOOD at something. But I guess not. So in the end, Jeff, Puntley, and myself will be competing in the—well, competition— next Friday.

To be honest. I’m super terrified. What if Puntley beats me like a bag o’ bones? I don’t know if I’ll be able to put myself back together after that. But I heard that there will be a party tonight at Freddy Femur’s house, so I might go to that. If anything interesting happens, I’ll be sure to write it down here. Talk to you later.

Day 5, Later

So some crazy stuff happened at the party at Freddy’s. Jeff came over to my cave area and I showed him all these diamonds that me and my parents were keeping safe. No way will Steve ever find those. Then after we did that, we walked further into the darkness until we saw some wooden braces and that’s where all the other skeletons were. The music was bone-shaking and everyone was jumping up and down like they were being hit with a sword, except it was because of the noise coming from the jukebox. I think they were like dancing or something. Can you imagine seeing a bunch of shaking bones? Seriously though, after seeing them, I realized I need to brush up on my bone shaking. Those skeletons had moves!

Everyone from Anatomy Academy was there. Sally Skellington, Susie Skelenton, Billy Brainholder (not very bright kid, Billy) and a lot more people. At first I felt really nervous being around all those people, but soon I got used to the crowd and started having a good time. That’s about when it got ruined.

Puntley showed up to the party as well. He and his two bully friends, whose names were Creep and Crawl, came in. Being the cool guy he was, Puntley stole the party scene. It was pretty annoying seeing all the nice girl skeletons talking to him. “Don’t worry about it,” Jeff said, “There’s plenty of obsidian in the lava.” I knew he was just trying to be a good friend, but Puntley being there made me really paranoid. I think he knows how I feel so obviously he pointed me out.

“Hey skinny bones!” he yelled at me.

“What do you want, Puntley?” I replied.

“Just wanted to say, ‘Congratulations’. You did it! You passed tryouts!” he said sarcastically and then laughed out loud while shaking his boney head.

“And that’s such a big achievement, huh?” I replied sarcastically.

“Yeah, cause it doesn’t matter. You’re still gonna lose next Friday.”

“Yeah, you’re still gonna lose!” his silly friend repeated.

Jeff came over to back me up. “Look. We’ll see who’s better and whoever it is deserves to win,” Jeff told Puntley. “Now back off!”

Yeah, and that’s me,” Puntley replied with a stupid grin on his face.

“I could do it with my eyes closed!” I yelled as he walked off with his crew following close behind.

But then he stopped because of course he had to have the last word. “Oh yeah? You don’t even have eyes!” Puntley laughed.

Everyone around laughed too. I felt so ashamed of myself. I couldn’t top his brilliant one-liners. But Jeff certainly could, with a boney fist to a boney skull. That’s right. I watched in terror as my new friend tackled my new enemy to the ground. They wrestled back and forth each trying to gain some sort of advantage. It took Creep and Crawl a few seconds to realize what had happened, but they too jumped on top of Jeff trying to get him away from Puntley. Being the loyal friend that I am, I jumped the two of them and then we were having a straight-up brawl. All five of us wrestled on the ground not knowing whose ribs we were smashing or which bone connected to what cranium. It was actually pretty satisfying.

It didn’t take long before Freddy’s parents came down and broke up the scuffle. “You’re skeletons! You must act better than this!” Freddy’s dad said. Puntley scoffed. He stood up, collected himself, and then he and his crew huffed and puffed as they stormed out of the cave. “Good riddance!” I said to myself as they left.

“Thanks Jeff. For having my back,” I said, once we had gotten out of the party and were hanging out at my house.

“It wasn’t a problem,” he replied, “That stuck up know-it-all Puntley had it coming anyway.”

“True. Hey! Wanna go shoot some pigs?”

Jeff made the biggest smile possible for a skeleton. “Heck, yeah!”

So I just got back from having all that crazy stuff happen to me. Jeff just went home. All in all, it has been a crazy day, but I’m sure next Friday will be even crazier. Anyway, I’m gonna go to sleep for now. Stay cool!

Day 6+7

Nothing too special happened over the weekend. Jeff and I went to the nearby village and examined it under the cover of darkness. Just another tiny village, and there seemed to be a lot of squid people living there. I hope I didn’t look like that when I was alive. But we had to be really cautious, because there was a real golem on alert. That iron guy was standing there watching everything. I wouldn’t want to make him mad.

We saw some poor zombies try to attack some of the villagers. It didn’t end well for them. It was really exciting being that close to a real village though. Jeff wanted to try and mess with them and shoot some of the villagers with arrows, but I stopped him. Obviously we aren’t ready for something like that if we are in school.

Nothing else special happened over the weekend. We studied our lessons and practiced for the big competition. I knew that it would be a tough job, especially with a skeleton like Puntley being as angry and stubborn as he was Friday night.

Day 8

Puntley was nowhere to be seen Monday morning. I bet he went back to his cave and started crying likeTHERE HE IS TALKING TO THE PRINCIPAL!

Okay, so I lied for dramatic effect. I saw Puntley as soon as I walked through the wooden doors. And he was talking to the principal too! Head judge of the competition! No way could this bring good things for me in the future. As soon as Puntley saw me he walked off. I’m guessing he was still mad that Jeff tackled him.

“Don’t worry about him,” Jeff said, “He’s just mad cause we’ve got bigger bones.” Jeff didn’t realize that having bigger bones meant that you were probably overweight when you were alive, but I didn’t say anything.

We continued with the day like normal. We dug some holes, built some shelters, typical living peoples' stuff. They wanted us to “get into the heads” of the village people and how they operate. I wanted to tell the teacher that all we had to do was shoot an arrow at them to accomplish that, but he probably wouldn’t have appreciated the sarcasm.

At lunch, Puntley sat with his bully friends and they were all huddled together. I could swear that they kept looking at me. Puntley was planning something and I didn’t like it! Also, I wish lunch wasn’t us just sitting around doing nothing because being dead we can’t really eat anything. But it is (lunch time)! And I am (dead).

We finished the day off with some book studies . . . YAY! I thought the afterlife would be a lot more exciting! I heard that creepers get to blow up stuff! I mean, how cool is that? And zombies get to roam around all they want!

Other than that, nothing much else happened today. I’m still counting the days until Friday. As you can tell, I’m pretty anxious.

Day 9

Same classes today. I wish they would change it to something more relevant like “How not to get killed by a rich bully named Puntley in the competition this Friday.” But I doubt that they have classes that specific. But you know, I wouldn’t mind taking up something like soccer. I once saw this skeleton dude doing some really cool tricks with a soccer ball and thought, umm. . . I can do that, probably.

Anyway, here I am at lunch again writing in my journal. Jeff is doing well, Jeff-like things. And Sally Skellington is walking over here! Let me put this thing away.

So Sally came over and we struck up a conversation.

“Hey.”

“Hi Sally,” I said.

“How’s it going?” she asked.

“Going pretty good,” I replied. I slapped Jeff to stop him from doing whatever idiotic thing he might have been doing. “It sucks that you were disqualified from the tryouts Friday,” I said.

“Yeah, and I really wanted to beat Puntley,” she laughed.

“Wait. You hate Puntley, too?” I asked.

“Well, hate is such a strong word but . . . yep! The guy’s a jerk and everyone know it,” she said.

“Well, I just recently died so I haven’t known him very long,” I replied.

“Oh you’re a livie?” she asked me.

“A what?” I asked being totally unfamiliar with the term.

“A livie is someone who just recently died.”

“Oh, okay.” If I had blood, I would have blushed.

“I heard you two beat up Puntley and his crew at the party.”

Jeff jumped in, “Yeah! We totally tackled him. That guy was asking for it.”

“I wish I could have given him a few good hits, but I guess you two beat me to it.”

“Sorry,” I said sheepishly. “Maybe next time.”

“It’s fine. I’m glad someone did it. But anyway, good luck Friday! You’re gonna need it.” She quickly walked away.

“What do you mean, ‘I’m gonna need it’?”

She turned as she was walking. “He’s the magnificent Puntley! You’re gonna need all the luck you can get.”

I don’t know if I should feel happy that a girl talked to me or scared that someone I barely know is telling me I’m gonna need a lot of luck against another intimidating person I barely know. Either way, I’m sure that this Friday is going to be frightening.

Day 10

Puntley was planning something after all. I feel like such a silly skeleton. I went to school today and went to my locker. Someone had used a wooden axe to break it open and steal my journal. I’m assuming it’s Puntley because why not? It’s definitely something he would do. I’m trying not to seem bothered by it, but obviously I am. I felt like telling him off during break period but Creep and Crawl were around him then.

Nothing special happened today except archery practice. I have no idea what’s going to be in the competition, but if it’s anything like the tryouts, I’m glad that we’re practicing archery.

Day 11

So much anticipation. I heard that a big name in monsters was coming to our school tomorrow to announce for the competition, but I couldn’t think of who it might be. Also today I heard this rumor about a place below the bedrock called the Nether.

I don’t know if this “Nether” is a real place, but I’m glad I have nothing to do with it. I asked my history teacher, but he was dead!

Ha. All of my teachers are dead. We’re skeletons.

Anyway, school’s over now and me and Jeff are just trying to prepare for tomorrow. We both promised each other that if one of us won, the winner would demand that the school let both of us out. That probably won’t work, but hey! We’re intelligent, speaking skeletons! Anything can happen!

Well, I should probably get a good night’s rest for tomorrow. . . Wish me luck!

Day 12

. . . Today is the big day. I can’t believe it’s already here. It seems like just yesterday I was walking through those wooden doors into Cranium Campus. Now that I think about it though, that’s just a really bad skeleton pun. We really need to better our school system if we are basing the names of our schools on puns. But anyway, Jeff came over to my cave and we’re gonna go to school together. My nerves are on fire right now, so I definitely need a friend to help me along.

So we got to school and as soon as we were inside, they were calling us into the auditorium. I felt sick to my stomach, but I held it in. Today was important and I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way. After we were all seated, the speaker came in and it was extraordinary! It was an actual enderman that came to present the competition! I’d heard of them, but I didn’t know they were real!

“Hello class. Today you are here to celebrate fair competition and pure monster expertise. These three, Jeff, Puntley, and what’s your name again?”

“Um . . . Steve?”

The whole crowd gasped. I couldn’t keep it hidden any longer. I had been Steve in my true life. I had died fighting a group of skeletons and ended up becoming one.

“You’re Steve?” Puntley laughed. “That’s priceless. Now that’s two reasons to beat you.”

“Two? What was the first?”

“Well, I don’t like you.”

I gulped thinking how mutual the feeling was. “Anyway . . .” the enderman continued, “ they will be competing in a real village!”

“What?” I yelled.

“They will go to the nearby village and retrieve a diamond from the well in the center of the village. Whoever gets the diamond first wins!”

The crowd cheered, but my nerves just got worse. I thought to myself, they’re all mad.

Soon we walked to the nearby village. It was just me, Jeff, and Puntley. Then all of a sudden the enderman teleported in front of us. It startled the three of us.

“Okay. Your object has been placed by me using my teleportation in the center of the village. You have five minutes before it disappears. Begin!”

All of a sudden, he teleported away. “See you suckers,” Puntley said and then was gone in a flash running toward the village.

“Sorry, bro, gotta go,” was all Jeff said before he left too.

Against my better judgement, I ran after them. The blocky night was aglow with torches and moonlight. In the distance I could see the golem patrolling. Him being there was going to make things very difficult. I ran to the farm area. Surely no one would spot me there. As soon as that thought came to me, a villager came out of nowhere. I shot him with my arrow sending him back where he came from. I couldn’t risk getting found out.

In the distance I saw Puntley winding throughout the buildings, getting ever closer to the well. Jeff was close by and the golem was walking their way! I couldn’t leave my friend behind. I went through the buildings dodging the stares of the villagers and found the golem standing over my friend about to smash him.

Before even thinking, I drew my longbow and shot an arrow right in the face of the great beast. As soon as I did, all of its attention came to me.

I might have made a mistake. It started chasing me through the village, its giant hand hitting the block right behind my feet. Somewhere in the distance I could hear Puntley laughing. That’s when I had an idea. I ran around the entire village until I saw Puntley mere blocks away from getting the diamond. I quickly took my bow and shot Puntley. The arrow went right through him, but it was enough to get the golem’s attention. It started chasing Puntley too. But the problem was, he was chasing both of us.

“Now look at what you have done!” Puntley screamed at me.

“I’ve made you lose the game!” I yelled back. My arrow had gone through Puntley and hit the diamond on the well. It pushed it right into the arms of my good friend Jeff.

“I’ve got the diamond!” Jeff yelled. I paused to cheer, but as soon as I did, the golem was right on top of me. It lifted its giant iron arm and just before it came down to crush me, the enderman teleported in front of us, grabbed us and took us back to safety. We were back in the auditorium with everyone cheering. I swear I could hear the loud thump of the golem’s hand hitting the ground.

The crowd roared when we came back. Jeff was still holding up the diamond with a wide, boney grin on his face.

“We have a winner!” the enderman yelled as he picked Jeff up swiftly like he was just another brick. The crowd of skeletons clapped for their champion. I was just glad I made it out alive, but I had enough time to give my friend a high five!

“You did it!” I yelled over the commotion.

“No, we did it!” Jeff smiled. Our high five was the highest of fives there has ever been.

The crowd swarmed Jeff and started chanting his name. It was a surreal sight indeed. Even though I hadn’t known this guy long, he was still the best friend you could ask for.

I turned and saw Puntley yelling at the principal. “But I was supposed to win!” or something else like that. He stormed out of the auditorium with Creep and Crawl on his tail. Bitter to the end, I guess.

“Hey! You guys did it!” I heard from behind me. I turned and it was Sally. “You two beat Puntley! That’s awesome! I just wish I could have gotten a piece of the action.” She hugged me a bit tighter and a bit longer than I would have expected, but I enjoyed it all the same.

The crowd raved and cheered. The party didn’t end at the school though. All of the skeletons celebrated the night away. The party moved to different houses and different places with varying levels of volume. It was certainly a fun night.

But as the commotion died down, Jeff and I had a good chance to talk.

“So what are you gonna do?” I asked him.

“I’m staying at the school,” he replied.

“Wait, seriously?” I asked excitedly.

“Yep! Man, I can’t leave you alone. Don’t you know that? Finding out that you were Steve was definitely a shock, but . . . It was for everyone else as well. I gotta protect ya bro! I’m not gonna leave you hanging like that.” He smiled. I can’t believe I’ve got such a good friend as Jeff.

“Thanks man.”

“No problem. Now how about we go shoot some pigs?”

“Not without me you’re not!” Sally said from behind.

“Oh, so you’re one of us now?” Jeff said smiling.

“Oh please, you’re lucky to have me,” she replied coyly.

I couldn’t help but laugh at these two. It looks like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

And so, we shot pigs and had fun and did what skeletons do. But most of all, we lived.

That’s not something you can easily say about skeletons, but it’s true.

And that’s my story.

-End

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